Sitting, Waiting, Wishing

Why are we always waiting for something more? Tomorrow is not a guarantee.

I spend so much of my time trying to navigate my future. When I was in high school I worried much too often about what the next weekend would bring, who I would be friends with once I graduated and where I would go to college. Was I getting adequate grades today so that next year, when I apply to schools, I would get in to all of my top choices? Once I arrived in college all of my focus was on finding internships that would allow me to score a great job right out of school. Then came graduation and I already had a job so all I could think about was what will I do next? What is my next big move? I spent so much time worrying about what was next that I let some of the best years of my life slip by quicker than you would ever think was possible.

We plan out so much of our lives, from the basic to the more complex. What will we wear tomorrow? Where will we go this weekend? What is our next career move? It is only when we slow down, stop the planning and stop the worrying that we are truly happy in the moment we are in.

I’ve learned to stop that constant feeling of waiting for something new and accept that today is the only thing that is certain. We must be happy with who we are and where we are today in order to ever be happy in the future. Life is not a matter of making choices that will better our future, it is a series of moments that when strung together make life worth living and you must make a conscious decision to make those moments the best they can possibly be.

Dreaming

I’m awake. It’s almost 11 minutes past my bedtime. I lay in my bed, there is a quiet stream of music coming from my phone. It has to be soft, since my parents are already asleep. It’s comforting, the sound. When I have to turn it off the silence is so loud, so present in the room. It makes it hard to sleep. There are so many thoughts that appear as I close my eyes. I think to myself how nice it would be to turn them off for a few moments. Just enjoy the silence, the night. That won’t happen. Not tonight, not ever. The thoughts slowly become static, white noise in my mind. I gradually become less aware of the world around me as I begin to dream of things so important in the night.

Comfort

Comfort leads to complacency, which is something I believe we should all strive to avoid. When you become too comfortable where you are or with what you are doing, things slowly begin to fail. There is always more for you to do, for you to achieve or for you to be. In the same vein, we should not live our lives unsatisfied or unhappy with who we are, but instead we should not become so blind to new opportunities and experiences that we avoid them altogether.

Failure

“It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well have not lived at all- in which case, you fail by default.”

 

Failure generates fear. Fear of trying again, fear of embarrassment, fear of disappointment. But when failure results in fear, it can impact how we live so much so that we end up not living at all. We must embrace both the fear of failing and failure itself in order to embrace new challenges and opportunities that come our way.

Failure is such a strong word with such a negative connotation, but is failure really so bad? How would we ever learn if we were never faced with failure? The most important life experiences involve failing at one time or another, learning from that failure and growing because of it.

Only when we are no longer afraid do we begin to live.

‎“It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new. To be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become. Only when we are no longer afraid do we begin to live.” -Imaginary Foundation

This quote has always played an extremely significant role in my life and has really helped to shape my decisions in past years. This quote is relevant in so many aspects of life, fear is something we all must overcome. Now more than ever, this quote will help to shape who I am and who I will become. 2013 has brought with it many huge changes for me. Many times, with change comes fear. In this quote I find strength; the strength to move on, the strength to try new things, the strength to become the best possible version of myself. Cheers.

Sorry In Advance

A lot of people were going to be upset with the outcome of yesterday’s election, that was a given. It was an extremely close race the entire time and one way or another approximately 50% of the population in the US was going to be upset. I am here to tell you all to move forward and embrace the change that is happening in the world. If you don’t agree with it, great! Do something about it though, don’t whine and complain all over Facebook and Twitter… because, let’s be honest, what is that really going to do besides help you to lose a couple of friends?

I honestly believe that the problem in this country is not the president and it wouldn’t have mattered whether Obama or Romney was elected last night. The problem, my friends, is us. Yes, you read that correctly- you are the problem. We are so deeply divided as a country that it makes it nearly impossible for anything to change (see: 112th Congress). We are all to blame for the failed economy in this country. It was not one individual’s fault, but rather a culmination of decisions and actions made by banks, politicians and everyday people, like you and me. People took out loans they could never afford to pay back from banks that were willing to give them money they didn’t have. Companies outsourced everything to other countries for cheap labor at the expense of their own country’s economy. Politicians refuse to compromise, leaving everything at a standstill.

Our political system seems to be broken, but I would like to believe that we have the power to fix it. We need to learn to accept other people and their opinions. We need to learn to take a moment to stop and think about how we may not actually know it all. We must work together as a country to better the world we live in, not stand hard with our beliefs and be so unwilling to change. We all strive for the same outcome. But here’s the thing… it is not up to the president to do that, at least not alone. It takes a concerted effort on the part of the entire country to make change happen.

So no matter what you believe, if you really care about your beliefs and the destiny of this country, stop complaining and do something about it.

Politics: Off Limits.

I don’t want to talk about it, I don’t want to think about it, and most of all I don’t want to read about it on Facebook. I just don’t. Period. The end.

I’m tired of fighting with family members and friends over things I really know nothing about. I’m not educated and when I try become educated I am overwhelmed by the fact that not a single thing I read is unbiased. Every single item I come across online, on TV or on Facebook (ugh) has an angle, an agenda. I don’t want your opinions, I WANT FACTS.

I don’t have the time or patience to read through every darn proposal, bill or law that has come about over the last 40 years. This is why news channels exist- to keep me in the loop. But no, instead of educating the public with facts, they push their ideas on everyone watching and in the end I feel even more lost than I was in the first place.

Unfortunately I can’t dedicate my free time to researching presidential candidates and what they have or have not done. If I could, I would and I would create a website. But I can’t. I can’t because I have classes, papers, exams, presentations, work, friends, a boyfriend and many other things that take priority in my life.

I am very clear on what I believe, but unfortunately the things I believe in don’t align with one political party or another. I believe in love. I believe in being happy and living your life in a way that will allow you to achieve that desired happiness. I believe in family and spending time with family because everyone won’t be around forever. I believe in friendships, solid friendships, with people who care about you and love you no matter what. I believe in the beauty of nature and loving the world around you. I believe in life and the fact that it is much too short to worry so much.

I understand that politics must exist and that I can’t stop people from expressing their opinions. I accept that. What I can’t accept is the fact that politics can cause people to get so heated and feel so uncomfortable around friends and family or around members of their community. Politics cause problems at work and at home. Is it really worth it? Is it really worth it to loose friendships or cut off ties with family members? Is it really worth it to make people upset and create tensions that wouldn’t otherwise exist? Is it really worth it to have the last word or make your point at the risk of hurting those around you?

We all want what is best for ourselves and the people we care about. Isn’t that everyone’s end goal, whether you’re ultra conservative or extremely liberal? Although we may have different ideas of how to get there- we all want to be happy, healthy and loved. Can we at least agree on that?

The Beauty of Flight

I’m sitting in the airport, it’s a little after 5am. Much too early for a Saturday morning, but I’m too excited to care. The air outside is cool and crisp. The drive to the airport was relaxing; leaves changing colors lined the roads, none of the usual beltway traffic, a warm mug of apple cider and my iTunes library to keep me company for the hour long drive. I really love airports and flying. It’s amazing to me that such a heavy chunk of metal filled with hundreds of pounds of people and luggage can fly so high above the world.

My favorite thing about flying is the anonymity. Where is everyone going? Why is the family of four in front of me in the security line in such a rush? Are they late for a tropical family vacation or maybe a loved one is sick and they can’t help but be upset and scared?

There are lots of people in the armed forces here this morning. Are they heading home to see loved ones? Are they headed off to their first tour, or maybe their 5th? Will they be home in time for the holidays?

Is everyone looking at me, a 20-something-year-old girl with one small carry-on typing furiously on her iPhone, and wondering what I am doing and where I am going too?

I’ll probably never know the answer to most, if not all, of these questions. Neither will anyone else. You can be whoever you want to be when you fly somewhere new, to a place that isn’t home.

Things That Scare Me

Death. I feel like that one’s pretty unavoidable, but I’d like to think there are things I can do to stop it. Usually I go way too far and people end up thinking I’m crazy… but hey whatever gets you to sleep at night, right?

Snakes. Why do these things exist? They can bite you, inject you with poisonous venom and/or squeeze and strangle you. Not cool, not cool at all.

Cancer. The C word. No one likes to think about ever having Cancer, it’s terrifying. Unfortunately for most people- especially those in my generation- it is extremely likely that you will end up with one kind of Caner or another. This makes me want to cry.

The Internet. Don’t get me wrong, the Internet is awesome and amazing and I am not quite sure how I’d live without it, but it’s scary. The amount of information that one can found out about me online is absolutely horrifying and the fact that Google, Facebook and others know more about me than half of the people in my family is ridiculous. Note to self: when you get engaged/breakup/buy a puppy/have a kid tell your friends & family before you post a nice ole picture on Facebook.

Having a child. I am bad with kids, well I take that back… I am good with kids for about 2 hours at a time. After those first few hours, what once was adorable begins to give me a massive migraine. You start to realize that no matter how adorable the thing is, you’re still going to have to change diapers and not sleep for about 3 years. I can’t handle being dirty or being tired, so this is not something I’m looking forward too. Maybe I’ll just be a working mom?

Failing. At work, at school, as a girlfriend, as a daughter. I am so scared to fail. I feel like I would let so many people down by not succeeding. I have a constant desire to be better than expected. This can cause a lot of stress, but most of the time I think it’s worth it.

Commitments. What if I change my mind? What if I’m just lazy or end up not wanting to do something? Making commitments further out than about a week is very scary for me. When my friends ask about going out in DC or Bethesda, I may really want to go on Tuesday night, but then by the time Saturday rolls around all I actually want to do is sit at home in my pajamas watching TV and drinking wine. Why is this a problem? It’s a problem because no one else ever wants to do this with me and I then become stressed out because I let my friends down and I’m being lame. Whatever, I enjoy being lame most of the time.

Endings. Why do things have to come to an end? Realistically I understand that all good things end and I am really working on accepting this, but sometimes it is just so hard to understand why. Why do great friendships fall apart? Why do vacations always end too soon? Why do awesome TV shows end after only a few seasons? Why do people fall out of love? Why?

The Real World

This is going to be short & sweet.

When I was young I liked to imagine what it would be like when I was older. I imagined my job, my desk with pictures of family and significant others. I imagined paychecks and happy hours. What I failed to take into account was the money, the budgeting, the sacrifice. There are no more summer vacations or long winter breaks. There is only 2 weeks of paid leave and x number of paid holidays. There is no more “I feel sick, I’ll wear yoga pants today and skip half my classes to watch Netflix in bed.” Those days are behind me and days of working 9 til 5 are in my future.

It’s like staring across an ocean and I can’t see the other side. For the indefinite future I will be working, five days a week, eight hours a day, 52 weeks a year. This is my life for the next 30 years (at least). How can one accept that? Doesn’t everyone, no matter how much they enjoy their job- because don’t get me wrong I love what I do- want to sit around the house all day, start new hobbies and go meet up with old friends for lunch? Doesn’t everyone want a summer vacation and days off whenever they feel like it? How does one get to that point? Is it only the lucky few… will the rest of us just work until we die? Why is that fair?